For many people, once cheating happens, all bets are off. They end it and go their separate ways. But of course, all couples are different, and some feel they can get past the cheating and have a healthy relationship again. If despite all the hurt, you’d still like to give it one more chance, check out these tips for surviving cheating.
DO communicate.
Communication is one of the most important aspects of any relationship. But after deception, discussions can easily turn into fights. Still, it’s crucial to discuss what happened in the past and to establish boundaries for what’s OK and what’s not OK in the relationship for the future. If the two of you can’t communicate effectively about your expectations, chances are someone may cross the line again.
DON’T bring other people into it.
Karlisa, 17, says when her boyfriend cheated, she confided in her best friend. But Dr. Gilda Carle, author of Teen Talk: A Girl’s Guide to Dating, suggests you take a little time to think before ‘fessing up to your friends. There’s a good chance your friends might try to change your mind about getting back together, and you may even feel embarrassed about staying in the relationship. Eric, 16, knows all about this. “When my girlfriend told me she cheated, I told a few of my buddies. Now whenever they see us together, I feel like a fool.” So while it’s important to communicate and get your feelings out about the issue, you might want to consider keeping this between the two of you.
DON’T blame yourself.
“Maybe if I were prettier, he wouldn’t have cheated.” “She wouldn’t have strayed if I’d had a better job and could have taken her out more.” According to Dr. Gilda, blaming yourself is one of the worst things you can do. Some people cheat for reasons that have nothing to do with their partner. And it’s not about you not having supermodel looks or a fat wallet. “Look at how often beautiful, wealthy stars are cheated on,” Dr. Gilda points out.
DON’T cheat for revenge.
“My first thoughts were to cheat back on her,” says Jon, 18. After being hurt, it’s not unusual to think of revenge. But if there’s any chance you’d like to stay with the person, you’ve got to put that out of your mind. Jon realized this too late. He cheated with her friend and was right; she was hurt. But so was he when his girlfriend dumped him.
“Your efforts have to be put into finding a place of happiness, not exhausting yourself with trying to get back at your partner,” says Dr. Gilda. “That only brings you down.”
Not only does it bring you down, but if you have unprotected sex with another partner, it also puts all three of you at risk for sexually transmitted infections. Is getting revenge really worth risking your health?
DO work to rebuild trust.
How do you regain the trust? Dr. Gilda says the only thing you can really trust is behavior. “Talk is cheap. Empty words don’t mean anything,” she says. The only way your partner can show you that she or he can be trusted is by treating you right and not cheating again.
And even though communication is a big part of rebuilding trust, don’t constantly ask about the “other woman” or “other man.” “You have a choice,” says Dr. Gilda. “You can either be continuously offended, or you can let it go.”
DO know when it’s time to move on.
Sometimes no matter how hard a couple tries, the relationship will never be the same — or get better. If after time, you still don’t trust your partner or can’t seem to move on, it’s probably best you do just that — move on, alone.
But don’t leap right into another serious relationship soon after, warns Dr. Gilda. By taking things slowly, you allow yourself a little extra time to heal — and a chance to determine if this new person is really worthy of your time and effort. In the long run, a little extra time can save you a lot of heartache.
Bellow is a video with 10 signs that she’s cheating on you:
