You’re having the time of your life on a romantic night. The food is delicious, the conversation is great, and the company — amazing. But when you lean in for a much-anticipated kiss, your perfect evening is shattered by an unfortunate discovery: your perfect date’s breath reeks!
We all have pet peeves about our loved ones, but some are harder to ignore than others. So should you confront your loved one with Altoids® or move on to mintier pastures?
Smells Like Teen Spirit?
“The person you love may have a habit that you find annoying or a trait you wish you could change,” says Carol Weston, advice columnist and author of Girltalk and For Teens Only. “The question is, is that trait a deal-breaker?”
Bad hygiene (like not brushing your teeth or washing your hands) and bad habits (like smoking) can compromise your own health, and sometimes, the health of your partner. Other behaviors, like nail biting or wearing too much perfume, aren’t really harmful, but can still be annoying. Either way, if your significant other’s nasty habit is getting in the way of your relationship, it’s a good idea to make your feelings known.
Weston suggests first trying an indirect approach. Stroll with your honey through a drugstore and point out your favorite toothpaste or soap. You might say, “I really like this apricot body wash. What do you use?” If subtle hints aren’t getting through, you may have to confront them head on. Be gentle and straightforward, making sure to convey that you care about them. “I would bring the subject up casually and act as if it did not bother me or like it was not a big deal,” suggests Catherine, 14.
The Whole Truth, and Nothing But the Truth …
Telling your partner that there’s something you don’t like about her or him can be embarrassing. That’s why it’s important to express yourself in the most sensitive way possible. “Tell them how you really feel, but tell them in a loving and respectful way,” says Kyle, 17.
If your partner responds well, even after some initial embarrassment, you’re on your way to having a very open and communicative coupling. But a negative response may cause you to rethink the future of your relationship. For example, if your loved one won’t stop smoking and you find it really gross, you’ll have to make an extremely tough decision. Weston reminds us, “If it’s a deal-breaker, accept that they may not be able to change, and move on.”
Honesty — even if it hurts a little — is crucial, and it’s a sign of respect. Showing your loved one that you trust her or him enough to be completely up front is a great way to strengthen your bond. “If you can’t take the risk of offending someone you care about on an issue as clear-cut as hygiene or their health, how will you confront tougher problems in the future?” asks Charlene, 18.
Enough About You … What About Me?
Brigitte, 21, recommends opening up the floor to a two-way discussion. In other words, “Say something like, ‘Feel free to let me know if there is anything I do that bugs you.'” Be aware of your own habits and how they may affect your special someone. Putting yourself in your partner’s position is a great way to acknowledge that you have flaws, too. Hey, nobody’s perfect!
Most importantly, don’t be afraid to have a sense of humor and laugh with each other. Remember what brought you together in the first place, and focus on the positives to get you through awkward moments.
