Many times in new relationships (and sometimes mature relationships) trust issues abound. There are thoughts that enter into our minds that make us think that our partner may be doing something that they should not be doing. When these things happen, having fleeting thoughts that something may be wrong is human nature. If you have ever had your heart broken you are sure to have a few trust issues when entering into a new relationship.
There is always a distant place you never wish to return to and it sometimes appears to be closer than you care to think. An action remembered; an associated look of disgust; or an unanswered phone call. The things that flow through your mind are never good. You may begin to think, “I was better when I was by myself.” While a lot of us have these thoughts in a new relationship, most trust issues with a new found love-of-our-life comes from our past experiences.
Once we have had our heart broken, thoughts of distrust easily squeeze their way into our minds and our hearts, especially when a new person in our life does something or says something that is very familiar. We start to have misgivings and suspicions begin to rise. We start to wonder, “Why are you here?” (Heaven forbid it be as simple as, they want to be.)
Maybe they don’t call you back right away; doesn’t mean they are doing something (or someone) they shouldn’t be. Don’t let your imagination run away with you and your stuck thinking “What are they doing? Who are they with?” Communication in a relationship is key. Instead of thinking the worst possible scenario, talk about what is bothering you. If you it really bothers you when they don’t answer the phone, tell them! If they do something else in particular, doesn’t matter what it is, that makes these thoughts of distrust rise to a level that you are not comfortable with, tell them!
Talk about why you feel the way you do. If your previous lover cheated on you and some of the things you new partner does is strikingly similar, you have to let them know and then ask them not to do it again. If they are not aware that they are doing or saying things that make you have feelings of distrust, how can the situation be rectified? It can’t; a baby doesn’t know touching a hot stove is going to burn him unless he’s told; and a dog is going to poop on the carpet until he is trained.
Being in a relationship requires each party to kind of “train” each other. We have to continue to learn about each other every day; likes, dislikes, what not to do in order to avoid hurting each others feelings. Most importantly, we have to learn to trust. Now, on the other hand, if you address something that bothers you and they continue to do it without taking your feelings into account, then you may have a justified reason for having doubts.
We must have confidence in our relationships. We have to remember that they are not “them.” We can’t compare new people that enter our lives to the people who have hurt us in the past. If you place each other in the past, you may never have a future.
